Week 49
We are 49 weeks away, and we are already feeling the well-needed intensity of marriage. During this week, I discussed with a friend some of the conversations that arose between Tracy and I, and she replied with something that completely shocked me–
“Wow, I thought you two were perfect, and that it was nothing but butterflies and rainbows over there.”
BABBBBBYYYYYY! Now, we are truly a strong couple. We invest consistently in connection, intimacy, and effective communication. We have built a lot of healthy trust and long-lasting respect for each other. But, honey–we are comfortable with conflict and disagreement! And, it is a breath of fresh air, because I feel safe to have conflict without the fear of abandonment, belittling, or abuse. I have truly seen how conflict has created the greatest clarity between us so that we can better know and understand each other. It is worth the vulnerability.
Emotional Check-In: I have been feeling heavy. I am still disappointed about my circumstances and wish that I could have the involvement of my mom and grandma. However, I am exhausted from feeling heavy. I realized this week that this is (hopefully) the only time I will ever be a fiance, and I deserve to enjoy it to the fullest. This is the only time that I will be Tracy’s fiance, and we will enjoy it together to the fullest. Therefore, I am making a declaration this week to find the fun in this process and walk whimsically into wifehood. To navigate this, I have been taking intentional strides to show up emotionally, fully.
Marriage Planning Updates: What a week this has been in marriage planning. First of all, we together learned what intimacy looks like for each of us, and that it can have diverse definitions. Through that, we have been unpacking conversations on how to demonstrate intimacy towards one another in a way that can be received and builds connection. As Tracy falls more on the side of physical intimacy, and I fall more on the side of emotional/spiritual/intellectual intimacy, we have been learning how to find ways to meet each other and connect in ways that may not be our natural connection.
We also learned about good ol’ emotional boundaries. Something I love about us is that we both love to help others. Because of this, we often become very present for the needs of our friends and close community, and sometimes this causes us to not be as present for each other. This isn’t just physical presence, but mental, emotional and social presence. An example of this may be talking with a friend through their situation, but not having the mental space to be present for each other as a couple. Therefore, we have been committed to working hard to create space and capacity for each other as we continue to steward our service to others so that we can remain assured that we are prioritizing our relationship above everything. Again, we are comfortable with hard conversations, so we have had our fair share of wrestling with this! But, I am grateful that the willingness is there to figure it out.
Wedding Planning Updates: I FINALLY PICKED UP MY DRESS! It is so beautiful, and I am so grateful that this feat is out of the way. Shoutout to Lulu’s Bridal for an amazing shopping experience and for creating a one-of-a-kind dress. I have the final dress of its kind from the designer, so I am excited that this dress will never be seen anywhere ever again. I cannot go into detail because I truly want this dress to be a surprise!
Fun tips for wedding dress shopping (I am no expert, but these are my tips):
-Take people with you who only pour into the moment, not take away from it. The more intimate, the better.
-Be prepared for all of the feelings that come up. Feelings about your body, the moment, the frustration in finding the right dress, the overwhelm of so many options–whtever it is, stand in it. You deserve to feel.
-If you have only shopped on Pinterest and saved your Pinterest board, allow yourself to separate from it. Things on YOUR beautiful body hits differently than in a picture of someone else.
-Bring as many things as possible that help prep for the look of your big day. Bring shoes, hair accessories, waist trainers, whatever is needed.
-This is the one that I am not allowed to say aloud–don’t buy unnecessary things that you can make at home. For example, the veil! If you can get this cheaper somewhere else, or if someone can make it, save the money!
-The old wedding dress phrase says, “you should fit the dress”, but baby, THAT DRESS NEEDS TO FIT YOU! Find the dress that appreciates all that you serve!
Additionally, we have officially booked our engagement photos! They are in two weeks, and I am so excited to plan this entire moment out. Wow, I am really getting married. Can’t wait to see the pictures soon!
xo
